Rita passed away on December 29, 2020, at the age of 87, two days after Richard's 88th birthday. Richard passed away five months later, on May 17, 2021, five days after what would have been Rita's 88th birthday. Their marriage lasted over sixty years.
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| Above, from left to right: Penny aka Judy, Rita's older sister; Harriet, Rita's younger sister; Rita and Richard cutting their wedding cake |
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| Richard and Rita |
Rita and Richard Udell's memorial gathering took place between 2 pm and 6pm on May 5, 2022 in the Westbeth Community Room in the West Village of Manhattan.
People started arriving as Rita's sister (Penny), younger son (Ed), nephew (Geoffrey), and Angela, Geoffrey's wife, were still setting up equipment and laying out the food. We asked the guests to congregate outside in the courtyard, and soon there were more than a dozen singers all forming a circle there and practicing the songs they were to present during the memorial. Nephews Mark, Paul, and Jessica (from Richard's side of the family) arrived from various parts of the country. Jessica's husband, Andy, and their adult child, Lyra, and Paul's son, also came. People drank Cavit wine, a brand Rita had often made available at meetings of the singing group over the years. After a half hour, everyone, some 30 people, were invited into the community room, and after another half hour of people sitting around chatting, almost all the food had been set out by Angela and Geoffrey (they also did the immense job of ordering all the food and bringing it to the venue). After some indecision among the organizers, and requests by several in the singing group, it was decided that people would eat after the memorial.
First Geoffrey spoke to the gathering, welcomed the guests, and asked their indulgence for a memorial that was to be informal, fun, and a work in progress rather than something perfect.
First Geoffrey spoke to the gathering, welcomed the guests, and asked their indulgence for a memorial that was to be informal, fun, and a work in progress rather than something perfect.
Then Penny, Rita's older sister, spoke to the gathering amusingly and movingly about Rita. Penny described her relationship with Rita, and spoke of how Rita had been a caring sister and had made some loving sacrifices for Penny.
After Judy, Paul Rosner, one of Richard's nephews, told a half-century-old story about Richard. Paul and Richard were at a beach where the waves were very high -- three-storey waves, Paul called them. As Paul looked at the crashing waves, he could not imagine anyone going into the water, but Richard, who was an athlete and a strong guy, ran right into the sea and dove in, because he wanted to ride those waves. He disappeared under the water, however, and did not reappear, and Paul, who had been amazed that Richard would go in, began lamenting that his uncle had been utterly lost. But some time later, way down the beach, Paul spied the little figure of a man, which turned out to be Richard walking along the shore. On arriving he said to Paul something to the effect of, "well, I went in, and I survived it." And Paul was astonished at the sturdy resilience of the man.
After Paul spoke, some slides were shown (from photos taken by Annie, Rita and Richard's care manager):
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| Left to right: Harriet (Rita's younger sister), Rita, Penny (Rita's older sister) |
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| Richard and Lulu |
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| Rita and Richard |
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| Left to right: Richard, Annie (long-term care manager), CC (a long-term caregiver) |
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| Rita and Annie having fun |
And video of Richard and Rita and the child Sofia was shown. That brought up the subject of Richard's basketball talent. So Ed spontaneously recounted to the gathering how once, playing college basketball, Richard had gotten the ball off a rebound and got so quickly to the other side of the court that when he got there all the other players were still under the basket from which Richard had got the rebound. To comedically emphasize how much time he thus had to take a shot, Richard pulled up his shirt and scratched his belly, then shot a two-pointer.
Ed spoke to the gathering about how as a boy he had been very close with Richard, how Richard's example had taught him a bit about how to use his mind, and how Richard's sense of humor had rubbed off on him and been a blessing throughout his life. Ed also described how Rita seemed to be a person completely without rancor, very patient, very kind, very intelligent. Ed credited the fact that he had made some very close friendships and some long lasting ones to things he learned from Rita.
Ben, Richard's older son, described Richard's career, and its various stages.
Geoffrey, Penny's son, described how Richard, as a lawyer -- long before copyright law needed to consider today's manifold technological means by which content can be conveyed -- had anticipated that multiple new technologies of communication would be coming. So Richard had rewritten the standard copyright notice to protect against infringement via any future medium. Richard's foresight not only later saved the company where he worked a great deal of money, but became a standard basis for the copyright notices used today.
Ed spoke to the gathering about how as a boy he had been very close with Richard, how Richard's example had taught him a bit about how to use his mind, and how Richard's sense of humor had rubbed off on him and been a blessing throughout his life. Ed also described how Rita seemed to be a person completely without rancor, very patient, very kind, very intelligent. Ed credited the fact that he had made some very close friendships and some long lasting ones to things he learned from Rita.
Ben, Richard's older son, described Richard's career, and its various stages.
Geoffrey, Penny's son, described how Richard, as a lawyer -- long before copyright law needed to consider today's manifold technological means by which content can be conveyed -- had anticipated that multiple new technologies of communication would be coming. So Richard had rewritten the standard copyright notice to protect against infringement via any future medium. Richard's foresight not only later saved the company where he worked a great deal of money, but became a standard basis for the copyright notices used today.
Then Jesse, who managed Richard and Rita's bills, and insurance, and much more for them, read to the gathering a funny and appreciative piece written by Annie, Richard and Rita's loving care manager for many years.
And CC, who had been a long-term caregiver to Richard and Rita and loved them dearly, told of some of her experiences with them.
Soon members of one of the Renaissance music singing groups in which Rita and Richard had participated for decades sang several songs -- one of them had been composed by Rita. The gathering heard from several of the singers about their experiences with Rita and Richard. Marge, a current leader of the singing group, contributed many insights and anecdotes about Richard and Rita.
Finally, everyone ate and drank and chatted for an hour or so. The memorial had been upbeat, laughter mixing with sadness, a combination, no doubt, that would have pleased, perhaps did please, Richard and Rita.